Why Just "Talking About It" Won’t Heal Your Trauma (And What Actually Will)
I used to be full of anxiety and worry—24/7. Experiencing sudden grief and multiple losses from an early age will do that to a person. It’s like my nervous system got stuck in overdrive, constantly scanning for danger, waiting for the next bad, unexpected thing to happen.
I lived with fear and scarcity in my veins, fueling every decision, every relationship, every move I made. I didn’t just feel afraid “sometimes”—after decades of feeling this way, I just thought I was wired for it.
"When will the other shoe drop?"
"What if this good thing disappears?"
"Can I even trust life, people, or myself?"
“Do I even deserve a good career / relationship / life experiences after how broken I truly feel?”
The answer, according to my trauma-wired brain, was always: No. Stay on high alert. Protect yourself. Don’t let your guard down.
Welcome to survival mode—a state where your body is constantly in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, and you don’t even realize it’s happening because it just feels... normal.
But here’s the real, no bullsh*t truth that I learned the hard way and wasted a lot of years spinning my wheels on:
You cannot “logic” your way out of trauma.
You cannot "positive mindset" your way into safety if your body still feels unsafe “doing the thing” your mind is wanting to do.
Healing isn’t just about talking through your pain— it’s about retraining your nervous system to feel safe enough to receive the joy, abundance, and peace you logically know you deserve.
Why "Just Talk Therapy" Doesn't Always Work
Don’t get me wrong—talk therapy is powerful. It gave me words for my pain, grief and emotions, validation for my experiences, and new, logical perspectives on my past. It also helped strengthen my throat chakra, which is the energy center that controls feeling safe speaking your truth and advocating for your needs. But something was still missing.
No matter how much I understood my trauma logically, I still felt unsafe and disconnected.
My body would tense up and my throat would close when I had to communicate a boundary (so I wouldn’t, then I’d go back to swallowing my needs and people pleasing).
My stomach would twist in knots when I wanted to ask for more money to go along with a recent promotion from my boss at work (so I wouldn’t ask).
Adrenaline would course through my veins when unexpected & misinformed updates were discussed about my tech project in a meeting (so I would stuff down my unappreciated knowledge and feel angry & resentful).
My heart would race into panic when I allowed myself to dream bigger (so I would get analysis paralysis and never start).
Spoiler alert: I learned late in life that these are not actually normal, healthy physiological reactions to basic life things and ways of meeting our basic needs. *whoa, mind-blown*
By why would I feel this way? Because trauma isn’t just in your mind—it’s also stored in your body.
Experts like Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Joe Dispenza explain that trauma rewires our nervous system, keeping us locked in old patterns of fear, self-doubt, and survival responses. Just talking about it doesn’t release the blocked energy stored in our nervous system and cells—it has to be moved through the body.
“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside of you as a result of what happened to you.”
— Dr. Gabor Maté (BACP Interview)
The Missing Piece: Healing Your Nervous System
My life didn’t start truly transforming until I worked on healing in three parallel ways (not separately):
1️⃣ Rewiring My Mindset
Processing my past through talk therapy, journaling, and self-reflection
Learning how trauma shaped my decision-making (hello, fear and scarcity-based choices in relationships, career and finances creating not-so-great outcomes)
Developing new, empowering beliefs about myself
2️⃣ Emotional Processing in Safe Spaces
Talking and sharing my story and feelings with trusted, emotionally safe people
Also pulling away from sharing with emotionally unsafe people who would minimize my feelings.
Letting myself feel my emotions which I had stuffed down for years
Practicing self-compassion instead of self-judgment through inner child awareness, communication and healings
3️⃣ Consistent Prioritization of Somatic Healing & Nervous System Regulation rituals
Reiki-Infused Energy healings or acupuncture to reconnect with my body and to release stuck trauma/energy from my body
Yin yoga & [slow, relaxing] breathwork to calm my overactive nervous system
Regular walks & time in nature for mind/body grounding
Reiki-Infused meditations improving safety & self-trust
The Results? My Entire Life Changed.
As I re-trained my nervous system to feel safe trusting myself, my intuition, and the things I loved… everything expanded:
💛 My anxiety levels dropped, and my body stopped living on high alert.
💛 I gained deep self-confidence—not just in my mind, but in my bones (confidence is different than cockiness; it feels more like a peaceful inner knowing that “I am safe and good enough just as I am” regardless of what is going on around you)
💛 My relationships improved because I could communicate boundaries with kindness and without guilt or self-doubt.
💛 My finances grew because I no longer feared asking for what I was worth.
💛 My career skyrocketed because I embodied my worth instead of just knowing it logically.
💛 My parenting changed because I wasn’t parenting from a place of guilt, shame, unresolved trauma and perfectionism, but rather from empathy, compassion, open (messy) communication and connection.
I finally understood what self-love truly meant—not just saying I deserve good things, but actually feeling safe enough to receive them.
Science-Backed Proof That This Works
If you’re wondering, “Is this just woo-woo Keri?”, here’s the science behind it:
📌 Somatic Experiencing Therapy has been clinically shown to reduce PTSD symptoms by integrating body-based techniques along with cognitive processing. (PMC Research Study)
📌 Mindfulness & Nervous System Regulation have been proven to rewire the brain’s response to stress, creating long-term emotional resilience. (Dr. Joe Dispenza)
📌 Safe, Supportive Relationships are one of the most powerful factors in trauma recovery. Studies show that sharing in a safe space can literally change your brain chemistry. (The Polyvagal Theory & Trauma Recovery)
So, If You’re Feeling Stuck… Start Here.
🚫 If you’ve done the mindset work but still feel blocked…
🚫 If you’ve journaled, talked it out, gone to therapy but your body still tenses up in certain situations…
🚫 If your self-doubt, people-pleasing, or overthinking still hijacks your progress…
Your next step is nervous system healing. 🧘♀️✨
💡 Start small:
Breathe deeper.
Move your body gently.
Explore Reiki, yoga, or somatic release techniques.
Surround yourself with safe people in supportive spaces who let you express your needs and emotions, not suppress.
And most importantly—remind your body that safety exists. Because healing isn’t just about understanding your past. It’s about teaching your nervous system to trust your future.
✨ Ready to start this journey? Let’s connect. Drop a 💛 in the comments if this resonated with you.
Much love, Keri xo