4 things I’ve learned (so far) from a later-in-life ADHD diagnosis

This summer, I was diagnosed with Combined ADHD (both hyperactive and inattentive), and let me tell you, I’ve been deep-diving into TikToks, IG Reels, and Reddit threads ever since. Turns out, ADHD in a 48-year-old perimenopausal woman looks very different than in teenage boys—which is ironic, given I’ve spent years researching neurodivergence to support the two in my house. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t ready for this plot twist! Who knew?

PSA: This is not medical advice—just my personal journey. For health advice tailored to you, be sure to hit up your doctor or trusted pros!

1 | Surprising Symptom Overlaps I Never Expected Between ADHD and Perimenopause

Did you know that ADHD symptoms in women often overlap with perimenopause (or menopause), as hormonal changes can exacerbate or mimic ADHD traits? Perimenopause is already a confusing time emotionally, mentally and physically so I wasn’t sure if some of my symptoms were hormone-related or [undiagnosed] ADHD-related at the time. Turns out it’s a bit of both! 

For context, in the 12-18 months prior, I worked with both my Naturopath and GP to balance my hormones using HRT, vitamins, and lifestyle changes, hoping to alleviate my symptoms before exploring an ADHD diagnosis. While these efforts helped, they didn’t fully address some of my symptoms. Here are some overlaps and similarities that surprised me:

Memory Problems / "Brain Fog"

• ADHD: Difficulty remembering appointments, conversations, or where you left your keys is common.

• Menopause: Hormonal shifts, particularly a drop in estrogen, can impair memory and focus, creating a "foggy" sensation that feels like ADHD forgetfulness.

Emotional Dysregulation

• ADHD: Women with ADHD often experience heightened emotional responses, like anxiety, irritability, impulsive anger, or difficulty managing stress.

• Menopause: Mood swings, increased anxiety, and sensitivity to stress are hallmarks of menopause, often mistaken for mental health issues or ADHD.

• My symptoms showed up more as internalized stress, negative self-talk, self-doubt, shame, guilt, and can also present as irritated or frustrated during times of change, stress or transition. 

Sleep Disturbances

• ADHD: Trouble falling or staying asleep is a common struggle, sometimes due to racing thoughts or restlessness.

• Menopause: Hot flashes, night sweats, and hormonal changes can disrupt sleep, compounding the fatigue and irritability often linked to ADHD.

Also they say the days leading up to your period when your estrogen is at its lowest (usually times of PMS) ADHD symptoms can be at their worst. 

These overlaps can be confusing but also show the importance of consulting a healthcare professional to differentiate between ADHD and menopause-related symptoms.

2 | From ‘Mrs. Turtle’ to Project Manager: How ADHD Shaped My Time-Savvy Systems

It turns out that women with ADHD often create elaborate, socially acceptable systems to compensate for the symptoms they were once criticized or ridiculed for.

For example, it seems as though I turned my childhood struggles with time blindness—mockingly labeled by an elementary school teacher who nicknamed me Madame Tortue ("Mrs. Turtle")—into hypervigilance around time, as an adult. What once showed up as "slowness" or distraction became an intense focus on managing time and details - almost to the point of time anxiety in some cases. In my role in the Project Management field in the tech and gaming industry over the last 20+ years, I’ve mastered timelines, budgets, and deadlines, even though my ADHD diagnosis later revealed how counterintuitive that might seem. Beneath the organized exterior was a lifetime of systems I built to fight the fear of failing or falling behind—proof that ADHD brains are experts at adapting and creating high-functioning systems, even if they can be rooted in masking.

3 | Mourning What Could Have Been: The Hidden Grief of a Later ADHD Diagnosis

A later-in-life ADHD diagnosis often brings profound relief—finally understanding the "why" behind years of struggles—but it can also trigger a deep, unexpected grief. Many people find themselves mourning the life they might have had if only they’d known earlier. For example: I always blamed myself, my lack of focus and motivation for never finishing college on the grief I experienced from losing my Dad at 21 years old - which may have been partially true, but feelings of emotional disorientation felt like they were lingering forever in my 20s & 30s. Even though I paved multiple successful career and business paths on my own terms over the decades, I now wonder - had I been properly diagnosed or better understood my neurodivergent brain back then, would I have modified my life decisions, relationships &/or career differently?

Those of us that are diagnosed late in life may actually grieve some missed opportunities, the impact of overwhelm, fear or emotional dysregulation had on relationships, or the self-esteem crushed by being labeled as < insert societal expectations & insults here> (for me: careless, impulsive, bossy, moody or lazy). It can be a complex process of reconciling the pain of the past with the hope of a more self-compassionate future. 

This grief isn’t about staying stuck; it’s about acknowledging the loss while honouring also the systems created and resilience it took to get here. I recently posted an Instagram reel about healing from different kinds of grief, and this is one kind of grief I personally have been experiencing lately. 

4 | The Power of Being Seen and Heard: Finding Safe Spaces & Support Through Life’s Challenges

During times of stress or navigating a late diagnosis, having a support system that truly sees and hears you can make all the difference. When we feel understood, not judged, it creates a safe space where we can express our fears, frustrations, and triumphs without the burden of shame. This kind of connection fosters healing, allowing us to process emotions and gain clarity as we move forward. Being heard by others who can empathize with our experiences not only helps us feel less alone but also empowers us to take meaningful steps toward growth and change.

I’m so grateful to my support system of incredible girlfriends & family as well as my wellbeing support team that includes Counselling, Reiki Energy Healing, Acupuncture, Naturopathic & Western medicine for helping me stay connected to myself, my mind/body and grounded in adapting to a new reality. Also incorporating deep, slow breathing exercises, regular journaling & self reflection, yin yoga classes, daily dog walks (rain or shine), falling asleep to meditations or positive affirmations have been helpful self-care practices - even just for 15 mins per day - to stay grounded and more balanced. 

I truly see my late ADHD diagnosis as not the end— but as the beginning of a new chapter filled with deeper self-compassion, self-awareness and growth. 

While my journey may have started with unanswered questions and struggles, knowing the "why" can feel like a helpful piece to unlocking our unique strengths and designing a life that works with our brain, not against it. Relief can come from reaching out for support and embracing who we are, realizing it’s never too late to thrive!

Are you someone - or do you know of someone - that received a late-in-life ADHD diagnosis?

I would love to how you are doing and what you’ve learned about yourself through this process. xo

Keri Mayall is a Tech Leader, Reiki Master, and founder of Avid Earthling Wellbeing, who thrives at the intersection of empathy and efficiency. With 20+ years leading teams at Fortune 500 companies, she’s mastered balancing a fast-paced career with healing from life’s challenges.

As a single mom, Keri discovered the power of self-care, energy work, and mind-body practices. Keri enjoys working with her clients to help them create lasting confidence, wellbeing, and a joyful life from the inside out.